Unsticking the stuck
Every new day, hour, minute and second brings with it, the opportunity to start afresh. To go for a target, a goal, dream or other thing.
But what if you have already gone for that ‘thing’ once and you didn’t achieve what you wanted? What if you tried for that ‘thing’ several times with no avail? How can you avoid missing your target another time?
In this article, I consider how habits picked up subconsciously from your days at school might be thwarting your best laid plans and why developing an awareness of that can help you to get unstuck.
Remember the days of the old schoolyard?
The iconic 1970’s song by Cat Stevens recalls the laughter of school playground – however, back in the classroom play can quickly turn into school work.
Think back to your school days. There is probably at least one subject you didn’t enjoy, or found challenging for whatever reason. I was absolutely useless at art and my teacher constantly reminded me of it. But how often were you told (or did you hear others being told) to ‘do it again’ or ‘try again’? Whether a failed test, exam or piece of unfinished homework?
The words ‘do it again’ or ‘try again’ might not have meant much at the time. And the more you heard them, the more they might have sounded like a broken record. But hearing those words multiple times may have a more lasting effect than you think.
Furthermore, getting a grade for attainment at school without understanding what you did that was right or wrong in your teacher’s eye, or without constructive support on ways to improve if you failed to meet the mark, doesn’t really teach you much in the long run.
As a consequence, you may have moved from an educational environment to a work environment being told numerous times to ‘do it again’ or ‘try again’ without really understanding what you needed to change or do to improve your chances of getting things right.
When school habits become work habits
Progressing from the world of education to the world of work for the first time can be daunting. Time constraints and/or lack of appropriate workplace education can mean that if you don’t get a task right first time, you might:
– be asked to ‘do it’ or ‘try it’ again without supervision, or without properly understanding where you went wrong or constructive guidance on how to correct your knowledge gaps;
– have the task taken off you, in which case you may never see where you went wrong and when you approach your next task, you ‘try’, ‘do’ or ‘approach’ it the same way because you are none the wiser.
The problem with both of these examples is that trying or doing the same thing again without understanding the basic flaws in your ‘first-time around’ approach is a recipe for failure, because unless you understand what those basic flaws are, they won’t be ironed out next time around.
Think of attempting to play the violin for the first time without being shown how to hold the instrument and bow and then making a sound like sawing wood – unless you are taught how to hold them properly, the second time is likely to produce an equally disturbing noise!
In addition, the more you find yourself being asked to ‘do it’ or ‘try it’ again, without understanding where you went wrong the first time around, the more prone you could be to making more mistakes – in turn, leaving you feeling frustrated, anxious, unhappy and/or incapable of doing your job, when in fact the complete opposite is true. And the harder you try, the worse it could get, until you simply give up on a career you initially loved.
The start of getting unstuck
The passage of time from school to the workplace can span years and decades. Over that time, the mantra of ‘do it again’ or ‘try it again’ could have become completely embedded within your mind and life unless you have had the support and guidance of those who are really willing to work with you and show you how to build better and more resilient approaches to planning, starting and finishing work effectively. School habits will ultimately become work habits, unless you un-learn them and reconfigure them.
Being aware of how you habitually prepare to approach, start and carry out any task and how you rectify and adapt your approach when it isn’t working for you is key to being successful in achieving your goals and dreams. But that awareness starts from what you are told or asked to do at school and work and how you are helped, nurtured and supported when what you are told or asked to do doesn’t pan out the way in which it was expected.
Don’t be afraid of seeking help
Struggling with studies, at work or in life more generally can lead to the feeling of being incompetent, inadequate or worthless. And that in turn can lead to a total lack of self-esteem or a feeling of shame, which could make you feel that you can’t reach out for help on how to turn things around, for fear of exposing your flaws.
However, we are all human and everyone has their flaws, so struggles at school, work or in life should be addressed as soon as possible to avoid any negative feelings from growing and getting out of hand.
Ultimately, there is no substitute for a caring and supportive network of teachers, mentors, friends and family to provide constructive and empathetic support. But understanding how flawed approaches to school work can continue through the years if never sense checked can in itself be empowering, because you then realise that you can take action to seek help to re-set your approaches to your own tasks and goals.
If at first you don’t succeed don’t do the same thing again!
One of the key takeaways of the Alexander Technique, created by the Australian actor, teacher and author, Frederick Matthias Alexander in the 20th century is to not do the same thing twice if the first time doesn’t work. Why? Because doing the same thing wrong twice does not make a right. Nor does a third, fourth or fifth attempt!
Alexander developed the Alexander Technique as a result of having suffered from vocal problems that affected his ability to speak on stage. Over many years, by observing the way he spoke in mirrors, he discovered what was causing the problems and managed to put them right.
To this day, many people in the performing arts and other walks of life study the technique to improve the way that they use their bodies and overcome muscular and other problems that can impair performance on stage or at work.
What I find fascinating about the Alexander Technique is that it is a ‘re-educational’ process. I.e., even if the current way you use your body or approach things isn’t right, or is causing you difficulties, your habits and approaches to things can be un-learned and replaced with new, better ones.
Why good education and coaching matters
There is no doubt in my mind that how we are coached and educated as children, students and subsequently as adults in the workplace can have a huge impact on how successful we are in our goals, dreams and achieving our ambitions.
If we are never taught how to approach things constructively and do not have a healthy method or technique to what we do, then figuring out why we never reach our goals and dreams could be impossible.
Just as a good violin teacher will provide a child with guidance on how best to hold a violin and bow and produce a beautiful sound from the instrument, a good school teacher might nurture or support their class on how best to approach reading a book, considering a question, or constructing an intelligent answer.
Similarly a good workplace will provide learning, development and guidance tailored to the needs of each individual, mindful that the childhood education of its staff may have been of varying quality and that every individual may have their own re-educational needs which may merit one-to-one or small group support where appropriate.
Don’t give up – try re-education instead
Careers can stall or go through difficult patches for various reasons, but life always presents an opportunity to stop and develop an awareness of where through no fault of your own, you may not have had the support and guidance you needed at any given point in time to be able to really flourish.
In turn, when you develop that awareness, it provides you with the seed to start turning things around.
Stopping, regrouping and seeking out appropriate guidance to understand why things aren’t working can provide a completely fresh perspective on a task, goal or dream and provide the re-education that was previously missing. That not only allows you to build better planning and approaches to your work, it also gives you new found confidence to go for your dreams and succeed.
